A Late Night at the Crossroads of Causality
by AKA Jay
Summary: After the series wraps, some of the characters get together for a drink. Seriously odd.
1. Default Chapter

Late Night at the Crossroads of Causality  
  
The bar was dark except for the narrow circle of light that surrounded each table. Every table was full, and very few people seemed inclined to leave their table and join another. At one of the tables, this discussion was going on:  
  
"It's the story of a normal man, thrust into a situation he can't control!" Boone insisted. The beer bottle in his hand was empty, so he used it as an orating tool, stabbing it into the air to punctuate his comment.  
  
"Well, I hate to argue with a dead man." Liam said. "But you're wrong. It's the story of a young alien orphaned on earth, forced to adapt to human culture while hiding from the aliens who destroyed his species."  
  
"Boys!" Renee laughed. "You're both wrong. Earth: Final Conflict is about a gutsy woman taking charge of her own destiny and defending her planet from the aliens trying to co-opt it."  
  
Boone frowned. "Hey, I was defending my planet from aliens too."  
  
"Same here." Liam put in.  
  
Renee rolled her eyes. "Fine. Then we can agree that at least part of the show involved defending Earth from aliens. We have that in common." She brightened. "But I'm the only one who had an ongoing sexual tension thing going with one of my enemies!" She smiled triumphantly.  
  
Boone ordered another beer.  
  
Liam became very interested in the bottom of his glass.  
  
Renee's smile faded. "You're kidding."  
  
Boone swallowed and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Look, I was vulnerable, okay? After losing my wife."  
  
Another voice cut in. "For pity's sake, can't you shut up about your wife? It's been five years."  
  
"Sandoval." Boone hissed. "What the hell are you doing here? Get over to the villains' table where you belong!"  
  
"Oh, I would love to." Sandoval said with a mocking twist to his lips. "But Zo'or and Atavus Zo'or are armwrestling."  
  
"So?" Renee asked. "Why aren't you over there with a camcorder?"  
  
"The winner gets to kill me."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Boone looked confused. "How can you even be here? You're *the* villain!"  
  
"You flatter me. Apparently, I have honorary hero status because I once plotted against the Taelons."  
  
"You plotted against *everybody*!"  
  
"Even so."  
  
Renee looked off into the distance. "I wonder if that means I'm an honorary villain for killing you."  
  
"Could be." Sandoval shrugged.  
  
"You killed him?" Boone said.  
  
"You killed him?" Liam said.  
  
"Damn it, *I* wanted to kill him!"  
  
"You killed my father!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Everyone stared at each other for a moment.  
  
Renee shook her head. "This is like a soap opera, only stupider. Look, Boone, Sandoval, this is how it went. Liam is the hybrid child of Sandoval, Siobhan and the alien Hagel. Get it?"  
  
"Hagel." Boone thought. "I killed him, right?"  
  
Liam buried his face in his hands. "Why do people keep killing my fathers?"  
  
Boone bristled. "Hey, he killed me too."  
  
Sandoval shook his head. "No, that would be Zo'or."  
  
Renee shuddered. "Ick. I forgot about Zo'or." She eyed Sandoval with new respect. "You plotted against her, right? Let me buy you a drink."  
  
Sandoval looked startled, but took a seat. "Thank you, Miss Palmer. And rest assured, I bear you no ill will for killing me. I had a good run. I was the only character to live right through the series."  
  
Boone sulked into his new beer. "I bet *you* got a death scene."  
  
"I did." Sandoval smiled. "And last words, as well."  
  
"What were they?" Liam asked with interest.  
  
"I regret nothing."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. A total lie, of course. But it seemed appropriate at the time."  
  
Liam sighed. "Last words and a death scene. *I* didn't even get brought back from the dead properly. No flashing lights, no energy spirits made flesh. what kind of resurrection is that? People coming back from the corner store get more exposition than I did."  
  
Renee nodded. "I wondered about that. One second you're dead, just like e-very other guy I've ever met, and the next you're on the mothership wearing the same outfit you were wearing when you 'died'."  
  
"So?" Liam said defensively.  
  
"So," Renee said. "Either your clothes also transcended into energy, which is hard to picture. or you came back naked and then found clothes."  
  
Liam said nothing.  
  
"I would guess the latter option." Sandoval said slowly. "Tell me, Major. when you were resurrected, did Ra'jel happen to give you a tour of the ship?"  
  
"I don't know what you -"  
  
"The fourth level?"  
  
"I don't - "  
  
"Just as I thought." Sandoval nodded. "My guess is that the Major found the mothership shopping complex. And from the look of that jacket, I would guess that he spent the majority of his time in the leather section. Tell me, did you visit the far end?"  
  
"I don't remember." Liam said.  
  
"You're blushing," Renee pointed out with amazement. "I've never seen you blush!"  
  
"I'm not blushing." Liam gritted.  
  
"What's in the far end?" Boone asked.  
  
Sandoval smiled, keeping his eyes on Liam. "Odds and ends. It was. Zo'or's.. favorite part of the leather section."  
  
They digested that.  
  
"Ew." said Renee.  
  
"Double ew." Said Boone.  
  
Liam looked like a deer in the headlights. "I was just looking!"  
  
Sandoval moved his chair closer to Liam's and put an arm around his shoulder. "Son, I think it's time we had the Talk."  
  
"Oh god," Renee pushed herself up and grabbed her beer. "That's it, I'm out of here. I'm going to go and see if I can get into the villains' section."  
  
Boone grabbed at the corner of her coat as she passed him. "Don't leave me here!"  
  
She smiled sadly. "Sorry, Boone. You're just too good." She tried to pry his fingers away.  
  
"I can be bad!" He insisted desperately, holding on. "I'll leave without paying! I'll ignore traffic signs! I'll - I'll *litter*!"  
  
"Sorry." She pulled free and walked out.  
  
Boone looked to where Sandoval was drawing diagrams on the table. Liam was watching with fascinated interest.  
  
"Maybe if I kill *them*." He muttered to himself.  
  
********************  
  
As Renee walked through the darkness towards the villains' section she heard shouting coming from up ahead. She quickened her pace.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"  
  
She smiled. Ah, Howlyn. She'd know that roar anywhere.  
  
"Are your ears as defective as the rest of you?"  
  
Her eyebrows lifted. And Zo'or? Interesting.  
  
She finally made it to the corner and laughed out loud. Howlyn had Taelon Zo'or by the throat and was attempting to choke her. It wasn't working. Atavus Zo'or was lying unconscious under the table. Da'an and Juda were watching with interest. Street was eating popcorn. Wait a second.  
  
"Street?" Renee said incredulously. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was a hybrid, remember? Also all that illegal stuff I did." She offered up the popcorn. "Besides, this is fun! Pull up a chair."  
  
"Well." Renee looked over. Zo'or was still talking. Howlyn, in an effort to shut her up, was now bashing her head rhythmically against the wall. "Okay." She sat down and dug up a handful of popcorn.  
  
"*I* had substance." Zo'or continued inexorably. "*I* had depth. *I* was working for the betterment of my species. *You* were as two dimensional as a paper cutout."  
  
Howlyn growled and head butted the Taelon. "Why won't you die?!"  
  
Street's hand shot up. Renee pulled it down. "Shh." she hissed. "Don't spoil it."  
  
"Even your names are pathetic," Zo'or said coolly, ignoring the fact that Howlyn was now trying to chew through his neck. "The 'Atavus'? What an obvious reference to the human term atavistic, referring to an ancestral characteristic that a species has grown beyond. We showed Earth a glimpse of a glorious future. all you offered it was the past. And you couldn't even do *that* adequately."  
  
Street nodded. So did Renee and, surprisingly, Juda.  
  
"Don't forget his name," Renee added helpfully. "A short form of Howling, which is what he's best at."  
  
Howlyn's head snapped around and he dropped Zo'or. Zo'or landed in a heap at his feet, still talking.  
  
"Renee." Howlyn purred. "You've come out to play."  
  
"Nu-uh." Renee said, rapidly shaking her head. "Strictly here to observe." She held up the popcorn as evidence. Street grabbed it back.  
  
He moved towards her, pausing to kick Zo'or a couple of times. "You always have an excuse," he said. "And you always come back."  
  
Renee closed her eyes. "Look, we're not doing that again, okay? I think our relationship reached a natural end when you died and I left the solar system. I've moved on."  
  
"With Kincaid?" Howlyn sneered. "He may be your co-pilot, but I am your destiny."  
  
"Liam?" Renee shuddered. "After the conversation I just heard I'm not sure if that's going to work out."  
  
Howlyn's eyes kindled.  
  
"But!" Renee put up a hand in the classic get-back-you-psycho gesture. "That doesn't mean I'm up for grabs. Technically, you're still dead and I'm heading towards the Atavus home world."  
  
Da'an and Zo'or exchanged looks and hidden smiles.  
  
"What?" Renee said, looking at both of them suspiciously. "What am I missing?"  
  
Da'an averted her eyes. "I regret to inform you, Miss Palmer, that as the Atavus were our ancestors, their home world was *our* home world as well. As such."  
  
"It was destroyed." Renee said. "My destiny is to look for a planet that I'll never find? Are you kidding me?"  
  
"How appropriate." Zo'or said from the floor.  
  
Renee's foot lashed out.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Serves you right," Street said, leaning forward. "C'mon, Renee. Have a drink. This all makes much more sense after a couple of drinks."  
  
"Why not." Renee said, slumping back in her chair. Howlyn dropped down to crouch beside her. Da'an was having a low-voiced conversation with Juda that seemed to involve a lot of pointing at Zo'or and Howlyn respectively. "Make it a pitcher." She said.  
  
Howlyn started to rub his head against her leg while making a sound like a lion's purr. Renee looked over at Street and sighed. Street handed her the full pitcher.  
  
"Thanks," Renee said. She brought the pitcher down as hard as she could and Howlyn crumpled like a paper bag, falling forward to lie sprawled across her feet.  
  
"How'd you do that without spilling any?" Street asked, holding out her glass to be filled.  
  
"Practice," Renee said. She contemplated the body lying still on the ground. "You know, he looks kind of peaceful like that."  
  
"Mmm." Street said. "Do Zo'or too."  
  
"Can't. Not enough left in the pitcher."  
  
Street raised her arm over her head and said, "Another pitcher over here!"  
  
******  
  
I don't know why. A moment of insanity.  
  
There's no reason for this except that there were*so* many main characters and *so* many villains. They really should have gotten to meet each other at some point. Can't you see Liam and Boone fighting over Da'an? Or Renee, for that matter? (Same taste in women and, uh, other things, I guess.) Can't you see Zo'or and Auger playing chess while Howlyn beats them over the head with a big ol' bat?  
  
This was a freaky, freaky show, my friends. I loved it.  
  
AKA Jay 


	2. Chapter Two

**Late Night at the Crossroads of Causality **

**Part Two**

Slightly later on the same night:

"Look," Renee said in a reasonable tone. "I'm not saying that you're incompetent, I'm saying that you never really _tried_ to catch me."

The look Sandoval gave her should have left her writhing on the floor in agony. Since Sandoval was the only character on the show who had no supernatural powers whatsoever, all it did was amuse her.

(Excerpt from a proposed Season Six script:   
Renee: "Look, up in the air! It's a bird it's a shuttle it's the Ultimate Pariah!"   
Liam: "What's that he's wearing? Are those tights?"  
Jonathon Doors: (spooky ghost voice) "Noooooooo..")

"Of course I tried to catch you," Sandoval snapped. "It was my mission. It was what Howlyn wanted."

There was a snort from under the table and Street's voice said, "Yeah, right. And you always followed orders."

"I - That's not the point," Sandoval said. 

"Right," Renee said. "That's not the point. Let's look at the evidence, shall we? Back in the first four seasons, you were an efficient, ruthless, calculating psychopath."

"Is he blushing?" Street said from under the table. "I bet he's blushing."

"Then let's look at my season," Renee continued. "You have an army of hybrids at your disposal, plus you have the freaking mothership to help you and what do you do to find me?"

Sandoval was silent.

Street's head appeared over the edge of the table as she hauled herself up. She blinked blurrily and laughed. "Oh yeah, he's blushing."

Renee kept going. "You arrange elaborate traps in places with tons of exits. You have tons of weapons and hybrids and yet you constantly come after me armed only with five guys and a rope. You stake out health spas. _Health spas!_ What was your next plan, take over all the podiatrists in the western hemisphere and hope that I developed an ingrown toenail?"

Street giggled in the middle of her yawn. "Fiendish." 

Sandoval glared at her. "You don't know what you're talking about, Miss Palmer. " He said icily. "I was under pressures you couldn't possibly understand."

"What, like this?" Renee lifted the tablecloth and pointed to Howlyn, still unconscious and wrapped around her leg like a big black deadly limpet. Occasionally he growled in his sleep. 

"Look," Renee continued, letting the tablecloth drop. "Howlyn is a lot of things, but he's a good hunter. He wouldn't have come up with those plots. That had to be you."

"Yes. However - "

"You know what I've always wondered?" Street broke in. "Why didn't you use hybrid-me to capture Renee? I mean there I was, evil as all get out, and you didn't even get me to point out the headquarters on a map or something."

Sandoval took a deep breath. "Perhaps you don't-"

"And then I was just written out of the show!" Street went on, talking right over him. "What the hell was that about? Me and Renee, we were like Cagney and Lacey, Ronnie and Nancy-" She paused to take a drink right from the pitcher.

"Bonnie and Clyde." Renee finished, smiling nostalgically. "We were a great team. Still, you got off lucky. If they hadn't written you out you might be with me on the fricking Mothership of the Damned. Liam spends all his time hanging out in the leather section. And Yulyn has been getting very hungry. He's reminding me more of his father every day."

Street grimaced. "Sounds fun. Still, at least you've got Ra'jel to talk to."

"Don't remind me." Renee shuddered. "'Renee,'" She mimicked in a squeaky voice, "'I feel the combined guilt of all my species for losing the remote.' 'Renee, the entire Taelon collectivity would like you to pick up your socks.' 'Renee, we must not let history repeat itself! Tell Liam that those were my energy cupcakes!'" She shook her head sadly. "I should have gone with Howlyn. At least he shuts up every now and again."

"It's not too late for us," A liquid voice said from the vicinity of Renee's knee. "Be mine, Renee. I am your mate, your destiny, your-"

Renee yelped and jumped away from the table, knocking over her chair and rocking the table dangerously. Street grabbed the two remaining pitchers for safekeeping, hugging them protectively to her chest.

Sandoval cocked an eyebrow. "I hesitate to bring it up, Miss Palmer, but was your skirt always so short?"

Renee made an incoherent noise in her throat. She looked down at her legs. It took a while. There was a lot of them to look at. Almost all of them in fact, except for the few vital parts still covered by shreds of cloth.

There was an ominous rumble and Howlyn emerged from under the table like a shadow moving into the light, muscles rippling under his skin. He straightened to his full height, his burning eyes fixed on Renee. 

He dropped like a ton of bricks. His head hit the floor with a sound almost exactly like the sound of someone sitting on a pound cake. He lay still, droplets of whisky beading on his skin.

Street looked sadly at the now half-full pitcher in her hand. "I don't think I did that right."

"Close enough," Renee said gratefully. "Come on, let's get out of here before he wakes up."

"You go ahead," Sandoval said, eying the fallen figure thoughtfully. "I have a few things to discuss with my 'master'." He put a nasty twist on the final word.

"Fine," Renee said, halfway to the door and dragging Street behind her. "But nothing that'll leave a mark or Judah will kill us both."

"Agreed."

As Renee and Street left the room, the last thing they heard was the sound of metal scraping on stone.

"Brr!" Street said. "I don't care how bad he is at catching people, I still wouldn't want to be alone in a room with him."

"I'd take him over Ra'jel any day." Renee said absentmindedly, looking around the hallway with a considering look.

A hand came out of a doorway and grabbed her arm.

Thirty busy seconds later:

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." Boone said, rubbing his arm and eyeing Renee balefully.

"I already said I'm sorry," Renee said. "What else can I say?" She took off her (leather) coat and draped it over the back of the cushioned movie-theater style seat.

"I told you not to grab her." Liam said, sprawled in an identical seat one row closer to the large screen that dominated the wall.

Boone switched his glare to Liam. "Ow." He said pointedly.

"So, what are we watching?" Street said, coming in with a huge tub of popcorn.

"We don't know," Liam said. "But the sign on the door says it's starting any minute."

"Say," Renee said. "Where do you keep getting popcorn, anyway? This is a bar!"

Street shrugged and sat down next to her. "Does it matter?" 

"Not really." Renee said, grabbing a huge handful.

"Ow." Boone put in.

The lights started to dim.

"Shhh!" Liam said. "It's starting!"

The screen flashed bright white and then flickered into sudden life. Words appeared on a white background.

_Main Character Interview - Take One_  
(The rest of the movies will be written in screenplay format, except where I don't feel like it.)

(SCENE: A quiet living room, tastefully furnished. The camera is being held steadily by a camera man with the focus on Boone, who is sitting in an armchair. Boone's wife is sitting on the sofa next to him.)

(A long pause)

CAMERAMAN: (loudly) We've started now.

BOONE: Oh! Sorry. Uh can we try that again?

(Screen flickers to black.)

(SCENE: A quiet living room, tastefully furnished. The camera is being held steadily by a camera man with the focus on Boone, who is sitting in an armchair. Boone's wife is playing a hand of solitaire on a table by the window.)

BOONE: (looking straight into the camera) I want to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am that you picked me for this prestigious part in your new series.

CAMERAMAN: No problem. 

BOONE: I know that you wanted the show to revolve around the Taelons, and I have to admit that I thought I'd lost the part when I decided to stay with the police. I was so surprised to get a call back.

BOONE'S WIFE: (looking out the window) Honey?

BOONE: I promise, you won't regret changing your concept. I think America is ready for a good old-fashioned cop show.

BOONE'S WIFE: (standing up and moving to the window) Dear?

BOONE: (looking embarrassed.) Not right now, darling!

BOONE'S WIFE: But dear

BOONE: What?

BOONE'S WIFE: There's someone under my car. (She points out the window.)

BOONE: (laughs) No, there's not.

BOONE'S WIFE: _Yes, there is!_

CAMERAMAN: Uh, that must be my driver. He's a car nut.

BOONE: Oh! Well, he's welcome to look at mine too.

CAMERAMAN: Maybe next season.

(FREEZE FRAME: Boone is grinning at the camera. His wife is staring out the window.)

FADE TO BLACK

-----

Up came the lights.

Street patted Boone on the shoulder. "Wow," she said. "That must be hard for you to watch."

He sniffed manfully. "It's torture. I miss her so much. If only there had been some kind of warning sign, some way I could have saved her!"

Street, Liam and Renee stared at Boone.

Liam blinked. "You're kidding, right?"

The lights started to fade.

----

_Main Character Interview - Take Two_

(Scene: The lab in Rebellion Headquarters. Liam is sitting on the gurney in a hospital gown.)

CAMERAMAN: We're rolling.

LIAM: (looks nervous) Okay. I wanted to say that I understand why you dropped Boone. Dead wife this, dead wife that that's about as dull as it gets. I'll be much more interesting, all right? I've got alien powers, too. Lots of storylines there. Oh, and other aliens can't kill me, okay? I'm uh, invincible.

CAMERAMAN: Right.

LIAM: Did I mention that I don't drive a car?

FADE TO BLACK

----

The lights came up.

Renee was snickering quietly into the popcorn. Boone was still sniffling over the video footage of his wife. Street was trying not to laugh.

"What?" Liam said defensively. "I wanted to make a good impression."

"You sounded desperate." Renee said.

"Totally desperate." Street said.

"Too bad you didn't mention that you were allergic to volcanoes." Renee said with a straight face. 

Street cracked up.

The lights started to fade.

---

_Main Character Interview - Take Three_

(A different style of camerawork this time. When the scene comes up, the camera is looking at the inside of a moving van. The van starts to slow down and the cameraman moves towards a side window, focusing his camera on a figure walking down the sidewalk.)

DRIVER OF THE VAN: (off-camera) Say, you're Renee Palmer, aren't you?

RENEE: (Seen blurrily through the van door window) Not for long.

DRIVER: What do you mean?

RENEE: I'm leaving the country. Changing my name, the whole nine yards. A girl can't be too careful about things like this. I'm the only one left. They'll be coming after me soon.

DRIVER: What do you mean?

RENEE: Never mind. (looks from side to side) Look, I've got to go.

DRIVER: You don't feel any pressing urge to hire an old Soviet Sub and go look for Liam?

RENEE: He was in a volcano when it _exploded_!

DRIVER: Ah, but he's an alien!

RENEE: So? Volcano!

DRIVER: But he's an ALIEN! Whoooo supernatural!

RENEE: Right I'm going to go now. (turns away)

(The screen explodes into jerky motion. The doors in front of the camera are flung open and black-suited figures pour out and swarm Renee)

RENEE: Hey! No! Stop! POLICE!

(Renee is dragged into the van and the doors are slammed shut.) 

CAMERAMAN: Go go GO!

(The van takes off with a screech of tires. The camera focuses in on Renee, who is barely visible among a group of men in combat outfits and masks. Tight focus on a needle being poked into her arm.)

FADE TO BLACK

___  
End Part Two  
*snicker* You know, there was just so much about E:FC that made no sense. It was like chaos theory with commercials.   
Thanks for all the comments on the first part. Good to know that I'm not the only one who was confused. *g*


End file.
